For many expecting mothers the fear of PAIN, and often times their partners fear of not knowing how they will be able to help and comfort their partner is very unsettling.  This is a very valid concern, especially when you hear from parents postpartum and the first thing they tell you is that everything they learned in prenatal classes went out the window leaving them feeling ill prepared.  For example, when learned comfort measures fall short of easing the pain, and the sudden loss of control during an unfamiliar and sometimes scary situation leaves them feeling desperate and panicked.  Panic is detrimental to everyone involved in the labor and delivery, including the baby. That being said, please understand this is not a blanket statement to say that birthing classes aren't useful -- they are indeed a wonderful learning tool and they provide a wealth of information for expecting parents.  Unfortunately, it is the millions of variables that arise in almost every birth that make it nearly impossible to adequately prepare every person with all the skills necessary for a fulfilling birth experience, and expecting them to recall detailed instructions for each phase of labor can add to the stress.  Here is where it is beneficial to have a Doula on your team!  From the moment you decide to hire a doula you can rest assured she will be there to support you, your partner, and your medical team to help you achieve the birth experience you desire.  Research has shown that women who are left unattended for even five minutes of labor can lose thier ability to cope with the pain and fears associated with giving birth.   

My Doula instructor, Debbie Lavin, had a beautiful acronym for PAIN.  She said the first step in managing the pain associated with labor and delivery is to remember it has a very important function and that it is PURPOSEFUL, ANTICIPATED, INTERMITTENT, NORMAL.  Once you understand this, you can work with your partner and your doula to navigate each phase and contraction of labor with more confidence and less pain.  With the element of fear removed, women generally start working with their body's signals, instead of against them, allowing nature to run its course.  This, however, is of little consequence to women who are in the throws of a very physically exhausting process.  Laboring women are in much need of reassurance and guidance as each contraction brings her closer to the end of her labor and into the next phase of her journey as a mother.  Women who are encouraged to take control of their mind-body connection quickly become an amazing force to be reckoned with and will often exhibit strengths that even their partners never knew they had.   

Remember, your Doula is there for you every step of the way and will never leave your side unless you ask her to.  She should be skilled enough to read your body language and offer appropriate comfort measures according to your labor progression.  A doula's role may be very proactive or very passive depending on the needs and desires of the birthing mother and her partner.  No partner should ever be made to feel as though their presence is not required or not important.  A  good doula will aways keep the partner engaged at the level they feel comfortable at.  Remember it is your birth and no one else's.  In many cases, a partner feels more comfortable and confident in coaching the birthing mom when there is someone there to offer a new comfort measure when a change is required.  I have heard more than once from apprehensive partners that they were thankful their doula was there with one last trick up her sleeve to help mom out.  Labor is a whirlwind event with emotions running high, and for every expecting parent the stakes could be no higher. I hope you will allow a doula to attend your birth and enrich the experience for both you and your partner.